Hello Mr. McRoberts,
I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed your website. I just left the JWs about ten weeks ago and have done much investigating and searching on the web for study, support and advice. It seems that many of the websites out there by former JWs are extremely polemical, primarily those run by current "Christians." I understand the bitterness (hey, I'm bitter too), but I feel that showing excessive animosity toward the organization hurts their own cause. Personally, I refuse to act the way the WT has described people who leave. Coming across your site was a relief. Not only is it balanced and insightful, but it shows that former JWs can be successful in life, and not end up living this degraded life in some crack-house! Your link to the "Virusheads advice.." site was also helpful. I wish there were more sites that focused on "ok, where do we go from here" as opposed to "those rotten SOBs in Brooklyn!"
My story is not nearly as interesting as yours, but I'll give it to you anyway (condensed version). I am 25 years old and was raised a JW from infancy. My family is small, but all except my father (who left 6 yrs ago and was abusive) and uncle are in. If there ever was a "model" witness youth, I was it. Ministerial Servant at 17, pioneered six years, public talks once a month for three years, DC parts, the whole ball of wax. I really believed it.
But, there always was something wrong. I wasn't really that happy, even though we were supposed to be "the happiest people on earth." I studied a lot and often ran across Biblical passages that didn't seem to fit the JW theology all that well. Worse yet, I found many passages in the Bible that disturbed me. I remember thinking with a cold shudder, "Why does God make understanding the Bible so difficult? Why play these games...day for a year, etc. Why not just make everything plain and obvious?" At the time I consciously rejected such thoughts and ended up making ridiculous rationalizations to make everything "logical."
About two years ago my doubts really started to mount. A friend I had who had just been reinstated brought up some points that bothered me too. Things like the Bible's chronology--seems way too short compared with Egypt's and Carbon 14 dating. Then there were questions about evolution and the animal world--if lions are just going to eat straw, why would they need FLESH-ripping teeth? (An even better question is why didn't god give them multiple stomachs like cows so they could digest straw!)
Anyway, my friend eventually stopped thinking about these things. He got a girlfriend and that keeps him in, although he doesn't believe in quite a bit of what the org. teaches. For me, I started a journey of study that totaled well over 1000 hours of research into fields like Biblical deconstruction and criticism, evolutionary biology, archaeology, etc. For months I wavered between trying to believe the "truth" and being amazed at all the evidence against it. Finally, reading Ray Franz's books did it for me. I conducted the book study on a Tuesday night, and that Saturday I told my mom I was leaving.
Long story, but even though I am not DFd or DAd my brother in law told me 'never speak to your sister again.' Basically, I am being shunned by everyone except my best friend and mother. I just moved back home with her and am going back to college, majoring in psychology.
So, that's my boring story. I do have a couple questions, though. Making friends has been my most difficult task, most people seem a little bit below the "standards" I am used to. I went to a party a couple weeks ago and there was quite a bit of marijuana. I didn't have any, but I hope not every young person is like that. Any suggestions on how to make some liberal minded yet decent friends?
The phobia-indoctrination is also there. It's sometimes hard to look at the news, always reverting back to the apocalyptic mindset. This feeling is fading, but I would love to get rid of it in toto.
I share many of your ideas about life. I have come to the conclusion that I am an agnostic, although I do feel there is a mystery to life and could be a spiritual dimension. I admire your humanistic ethics. If only everyone, including JWs, could be so compassionate and rational!
Thanks again for your site. If you do have any advice or comment on how to make my journey any easier I would love to hear it.
All the best,
--BP
Hi B.,
Thanks for your kind words about my website. I'm so glad you found it helpful to you in your journey out of "the Tower".
Be glad that you made it out while you are still young! I know of many people who wasted 50 or more years in it before "seeing the light".
Of course, this is a huge paradigm shift. All of your life you have looked at the world through the eyes of the Watchtower. Now you're on your own. The variety of opinions and viewpoints in the world is overwhelming at first. A trap some fall into at this point is to find a substitute for the Watchtower: some group or individual who will think for them and tie all experience into one neat little package. It sounds like you have avoided that pitfall quite effectively by studying everything you could get your hands on and forming your own opinions (which, hopefully are subject to change as you continue to grow and experience new realities).
Yes, it will take some time to eliminate the deeply ingrained WT view of the world. I remember when I left Bethel shortly after 1975. I was on the Greyhound bus from NY to MN during a major blizzard. I was listening to the radio (something I hadn't done in years) and the news I heard was so much doom and gloom that I thought: "Okay, this is it: the start of Armageddon, and I just left 'the ark'!"
A lot of ex-JW's still find themselves calling the WT religion "the truth". "When did you leave the truth?" they may ask. "I never left the truth," I will reply, "I left a falsehood and remained loyal to the truth."
To this day I still stop myself from saying "good luck"! As if that were important!
The WT framed all experience as "us versus them". You had to choose between "God's Organization" or "the wicked world". But reality is seldom so black and white. The organization, as we've discovered, was far from godly. And as for the "world": it turns out that it is not all bad. Out in the real world, no one thinks of life as a choice between "the world" and the Watchtower religion; it is just one viewpoint in a world full of viewpoints. After I left, I kept expecting people to say, "Oh, so you've come over to our side now." As if everyone thought in terms of "JW or 'worldly'"! It is not "us versus them". No one really thinks much about JW's except for the occasional joke.
Old habits die hard, and that's just human nature. Don't berate yourself for it. These things will fade with time.
But, as you've found, not everything the WT has ever printed is false. It is true that there is wickedness in the world (as there is within the organization). You are right to stay as far away from drugs as you can. One doesn't need the Bible and all of its trappings to figure out that drugs are a one-way ticket to a ruined life.
Most ex-JW's retain high moral standards. Once you've tasted the benefits of such a life, it would be stupid to abandon it for anything less. It would be like deciding to take up smoking. One doesn't need the WT commandments; the Surgeon General's warnings are just as effective to a logical mind.
There are people out there who perfectly fit the WT view of the "wicked world". But one needn't reject the entire world just because of that fact. Simply avoid those people. There are plenty of non-Witnesses who don't do drugs, and who live honest, moral lives. I suspect they are in the majority.
So, where can you make friends who have a positive value system? I wouldn't be at all surprised if you meet some in college. Just remember to be tolerant of differences. In the WT world, everyone was pretty much the same (through coercion). Out in the real world, few people (if any) will have exactly the same values as you. You must set your own range of what's acceptable in a friend. For instance, you will probably want to draw the line on drug abusers and neo-Nazis. But you may decide to accept sincere Christians. That is entirely up to you. The point is you must have a range or you will be alone.
Congratulations on your decision to attend college! What a great, positive step forward! I salute your courage in seeking light and life even while those around you cling to their comfortable darkness! You have taken the right steps to a bright and promising future!
You have now taken control of your own life. What you make of it is entirely in your own hands. It's a somewhat frightening thought, given where we've been. But it is also exhilarating! It is pure freedom. You must find the good in the world and embrace it (and enhance it)! You must also celebrate your release. Some do this annually on the anniversary of their liberation. Personally, I thank my "lucky stars" daily -- LOL!
Your story is far from "boring". It is inspirational. With your kind permission, I would like to put it on my website (with just your initials) in the "mailbag" section. It will show others that it is possible to break free and get their lives back!
Your online friend,
--Steve
Hello Steve,
Thank you for responding and the good advice. Feel free to use my experience in your mailbag section. Just so you know, I had dinner with a couple people from my Philosophy class and we had a pleasant evening. First time I had dinner with "worldly" youths! Next week we are going to a Shaksperean play. Hopefully I can meet people one at a time and build a new network of friends.
All Best,
--BP
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