Ella is a young woman who wrote to me shortly after escaping from the Watchtower.
I'm keeping her message private, but I thought my reply to her might help others...
First of all: congratulations! You may not know how fortunate you are to have seen the light at 22. Some people have written to me who have wasted 50 or more years of their lives as Watchtower slaves! Be thankful that you have found freedom while you're still young!
You are right in saying that the Society is into mind control. Your boyfriend is also right in saying that they act like a government trying to control people's lives. But they have no right or authority (or competence) to do this. They constantly pat themselves on the back boasting of all the "love" they have amongst themselves. But meanwhile they are ruining people's lives, shunning those who refuse to be led around by the nose, and causing their members to die due to their erroneous made-up doctrines (such as their stance on blood and former stands on organ transplants and vaccinations).
I know that it is confusing at first. You have been indoctrinated for years to believe that what the Watchtower says is "The Truth", and that anyone who speaks against it is "of Satan". But that's not reality: that's fantasy land. Your mind knows that now, but it will take some time to fully integrate that fact into your life and "break your training".
If you want to "disassociate" yourself, there are several ways to go about it.
First of all, with your new-found freedom, please realize that you don't have to think of it in Watchtower terms. You don't have to label it "disassociation". That is sort of falling for their control again. You can just think of it as "moving on". You can just stop attending meetings and underlining Watchtowers. You can just start thinking for yourself and let THEM worry about what your "status" is. That's pretty much what I did. After I presented the Governing Body with my letter I just stopped all JW activities. I don't know to this day (25+ years later) whether they ever disfellowshipped me or disassociated me or dis- something else to me. And I don't care. I refuse to wear any label they may have assigned to me in their make-believe world: I live in the real world where their labels can't touch me.
Another way is to meet with the elders and tell them you want to disassociate yourself. This gives you a chance to state your case (verbally or by letter). But I can pretty much guarantee you that it will fall on deaf ears, and they will make the process painful for you and try to lay a guilt trip on you. Who needs that?
The in-between route is to just stop, right now. Then, later, if you feel the need, write a letter stating why you have decided to live in the real world from now on. You may decide to never send the letter, but writing it can be great therapy whether you end up sending it or not.
Your relatives who are still Witnesses may also wake up in time. It is better that you take a stand now, and let them know it. Then, there is a chance that the doubts they have been harboring for years may come to the fore, and they may eventually join you. The alternative would be for you to go on living a lie just because they are stuck in it. If you're like me, one of the things that initially attracted you to the Witnesses was the idea of bringing people the truth. You can still do that: you've just revised your view of the truth, and the stand you are taking is the witness you are giving.
You asked if I could recommend a Bible for you to read, and what I did with all the Watchtower literature. Let me answer the second question first: I put the WT literature in a place corresponding to its worth and truthfulness... I had to pay the garbage man extra that week. ;-)
After I broke free from the WT I read the King James Bible ("AV"). The Old English is a bit tough in places, but you can usually figure it out. This is the version most commonly accepted for centuries, and is much better than any modern paraphrased version. But reading the Bible may not be the best therapy for you right now. Read it if you feel it helps, but not just because you think you're supposed to. That is more of the leftover brainwashing talking to you.
You asked me what teachings I follow today. Ella, that brings up the most important thing I would like to tell you:
No one knows more about the unknowable than anyone else.
The above statement has become my motto. It is critically important for you to fully grasp its significance. For instance: the Governing Body does not know what happens to people after they die anymore than you or I know this. The Pope doesn't know, the Televangelists don't know, even the writers of the Bible (whoever they may have been) did not know. The only way anyone is ever going to know is to die. That means that for every living person this is an unknowable thing.
There are other unknowable things, such as whether there is an all-powerful invisible spirit being who created the universe and who is watching our every move. People who claim to know that this being exists and what "his" name is, and what "he" expects of you, are talking nonsense. They are making statements about things they cannot possibly know. Their guess is as good as yours.
So, don't go looking for a Watchtower Society replacement!
You are on your own. That's scary, but also exciting and challenging. It's up to you to figure out what makes sense to you. That does NOT mean that you can just believe whatever you like and live however you like (although that's literally true). It means no one can hand you the answers on a silver platter the way we came to expect the Watchtower to do. Anyone who does is a fraud. The search for truth and an ethical way of life is YOUR search and YOUR responsibility. Others can only tell you what works for them and why. Don't be fooled into swallowing someone else's way; you must find your own way.
If that sounds too hard right now, when you are emotionally exhausted, I understand that. It's not something you need to work on right now. You're not going to arrive at final answers to the great philosophical questions of life in the next day or two. People have been pondering them from the first, and no one has come up with the last word yet. But the pondering, the searching, the open-minded embracing of life with its many cultures and ideas, and the striving to be the best person you can be: that is real life.
The joy is in the journey.
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