Hi steve,
I too am a former JW, from Long Island NY, and although I was not from
Bethel, ( my cousin was the dentist there) I was a pioneer for many years.
I stumbled onto your letter from a website about former JWs. I too was born
in 1956, and related so much to your story. My parents converted from
Catholicism when I was an infant. To make a VERY LONG story short; I too
managed to get on with my life--college--career--wife and family after I
left the organization at age 21. You know how difficult starting again it
is. I was very relieved to read your last paragraph, that you have gotten
on with your life. And that you have made sense of it all ( or not) A
healthy attitude goes a long way. Back when I left in the late 70s, there
were no support groups, and I spent 2 years in therapy being "deprogramed".
I did have the support of some very good "worldly" friends. I never looked
back and I never regretted my decision to leave. Only one who has lived
through it can understand.
I am glad to see that there are other survivors who are getting on with
their lives.
sincerley
F.
Hi F.,
Thanks for writing. I too enjoy hearing from former JW's who have seen the light and broken free. You and I were fortunate to have come to our senses early in life. Can you imagine if we'd wasted all those years from our early twenties until now?
It sounds like you have found the good out in "the world" and have made a life for yourself. You should be proud of yourself for that: so many Witnesses never do wake up. We have more reason than most to appreciate our freedom!
Did your cousin, the dentist, make it out too? I think I may have gone to him once with a toothache.
Best regards,
--Steve
Hi Steve,
I enjoyed reading your response, I suppose we do learn that our lives are what we make of them. And yes, the freedom, when it came was sweet. The first time I saluted the flag ( having to live through that dilema through elementary school) I was at an Islanders Hockey game with a "worldly" friend, and as I said those words " freedom, and justice for all" they rang very true to me and I began to cry. I suppose at this stage of my life I am not ashamed to admit that. The friend I was with , somehow understood.
At the time I was a JW, my entire family, parents ( dad was an Elder) 2 sisters ( both pioneers with me, I was also a ministerial servant) and all the relatives from my mothers side, were all "in the Truth". My mother converted her family one by one. My cousin had just obtained his doctorate in dentistry when this happend, and he offered his services to Bethel. In acceptance, they payed his student loan and he stayed on with them for some years. His name is ~~. He has since left Bethel ( amicably) to open his own practice. He eventually became an Elder.
My older sister, a pioneer, lived in Maryland where her husband was an Overseer. They were there because " the need was greater there". Her husband had been having an affair with her best friend. My sister chose to divorce him. Very interestingly, the other Elders in the congregation ( who were all employed in my brother in laws business) sided with him and although they could not disfellowship my sister ( on what grounds?) they ostracised her, and in a special meeting, told her that her husband was sorry and she should take him back. When she refused, they literally ostracised her from the congregation.
Needless to say, she came back to NY with her children, who were raised by my parents. The childrens father, the overseer, did not send any support money and had to be forced by a court of law to support his own children. He was never disfellowshipped, and to this day is an overseer. This arguement went all the way up to the Watchtower society, who sided with the Elders in Maryland. Needless to say, this started the gears moving and the more we questioned the " organization" the more it began to smell. At age 21, I decided to stop pioneering and go to college to study Architecture. This was not well recieved by the local Elders in our congregation on Long Island ( Huntington) . Although my father was an Elder at the time, they continued to give him a hard time for his thinking and his encouraging me to higher education ( Dad was an Engineer) . Fortunately for me, I did have loving parents who were more concerned for my welfare and wellbeing; they encouraged me to continue with college, if this is what I wanted.
My immediate family and I are no longer Witnesses, and have not been active since the early 80s. My Dad passed on in March, and NO ONE from any of their JW days offered condolensence to my mother. They had been going to the same congregation for 30 years. And when I think of how many people took advantage of my parents hosptiality, My Dad helped to physically build the Kingdom hall; lots of friends at our house for dinner constantly. I personaly placed a call to the overseer ( whom I knew) and told him that there might have been some old friends who would want to know. No one. Not one person from those days called my mother in support.
There were no lack of other friends at the service though, Dad was a successful business man, and although retired, had many business friends. I was just so surprised at how very callous JWs make themselves. The large extended family of JWs have all passed on also. One by one, the Aunts, Uncles, cousins died of illnesses, age, suicide. Of 2 cousins remaining, ~~, the dentist, is still a JW. He does not speak with me , by his choice. The arrogance he has expressed toward my sisters and myself is humourous, and we do not take him seriously ( I would NEVER sit in his dental chair!) . It is all traced back to the religion. Or, a very disfunctional group of people.
I married a wonderful Irish-Catholic girl and had a real story book type "Catholic" wedding at St. Patricks Cathedral in NYC. She has a large extended family of truly wonderful supportive people, and yes, I HAVE found the good in the "world" and I continue to "grow" as a result of being forced to open my mind after leaving JW. Tolerance is truly a mark of superior thinking.
I have three wonderful children 12, 9, 4. And although I do not belong to any religion, we attend a family mass at the local Catholic church. My wife is Catholic, and although she is very liberal in her religious beliefs, the local family mass is all young, successful families and has become more of a social connection. The religious connotations are minimal. As for aligning myself and my children with the Catholic church ( also getting bad press these days) my wifes response was " you do not have a religion and I do, why should we not raise the children as Catholic?" The argument made sense to me. The children are taught to examine every belief they are taught; there is no religious dogma in my home, and my wife questions the beliefs along with us. Going to Church has become another vehicle, like dinner time, for expressing family unity. The children are not "presssured" into anything religious, the way I was as a child. The fear of raising them with no spiritual belief was some thing my wife and I both shared, I would be horrified if they became "moonies" or JWs. ( because of having NO religious direction, a vacuum)
It reminds me of an episode when I was a Pioneer: I met an old Italian lady who said to me " you're such a nice Italian boy, I hope you meet a nice Catholic girl who takes you back to the Catholic faith" My wife and I do have fun with that one. I do consider myself very, very fortunate.
After this episode of my life was put behind me, some really good things have happend to me of which I do consider myself lucky. I do try my best to be support of others ( especially tolerant of religious beliefs) and active in my community.
Please keep in touch, Steve, and I am so glad to hear that there are others who are doing well!
"you will learn the truth; and the truth will set you free..." I do not even remember what scripture that is from!!
best of health to you
regards,
F.
Hi F.,
I just read your letter at work, and it has "made my day"! The contrast
between your positive, tolerant attitude, and the attitude of those still
mired in the Watchtower is inspiring.
I would like your permission to publish your letters on my website (with
names removed). I think it could prove enlightening to others. Of course,
if you feel it is too personal, I will fully understand.
My best to you,
--Steve
by all means, use it.
The thought of my experience helping others is what we are all about. you
are the first x JW ( such as myself and family) that I am able to
communicate with about these experiences) Although my wife and friends are
all very supportive, they do not fully understand( how could they?) It is
very comforting to know there are others out there "moving on". There were
no support groups out there that I knew of 25 years ago. The miracle of the
internet has made many things possible.
regards, and keep in touch, steve
F.
|
|