Self-Deprogramming!

Cover of the newly released book by Frank Anon
Cover of the newly released book

Never before have I used a blog post just to recommend a book to my visitors. But I’m making an exception for this book: “Jehovah’s Witnesses: A Gentle Self-Deprogramming Guide.”

The book has made use of some of the content from this site. But there is also plenty of new material and illustrations. Unlike this site, the book does not engage in scoffing. So, it is more likely to be read by Witnesses than my site.

Still, it’s not completely serious. As its back-cover states, there is “a dash of humor” — which you may have gathered from the cover illustration! Some of the illustrations in its pages are pretty funny too.

Rather than trying to “disprove the religion,” it is devoted to showing how the Watchtower exercises “Undue Influence” over its members, and how that can be dealt with.

There is a great chapter on the Faithful and Discreet Slave, showing why the Governing Body cannot possibly be fulfilling that role. This, of course, frees Witnesses to think for themselves.

The other chapters delve into the major ways that the Watchtower interferes with people’s lives. Thoroughly investigating the blood issue, shunning, and child abuse. Each section explains in detail why the doctrines these policies are based on are fallacious. Then some suggestions are made on how Witnesses can live their lives with a measure of freedom despite these constraints.

The book is thin and concise. The paperback version is exactly 100 pages long. But it is packed with all the references you need to utterly demolish these most harmful of Watchtower doctrines.

Great for a “literature exchange” with a Witness who would never think of visiting a site such as this!

Highly recommended!

Yoga?

yoga-2116093_1280

A Short Play
by Tigaforest

[Setting: Noon on a summer’s day. A sidewalk in a residential area of a city with parked cars along the opposite side of the street.]

Two sisters, May and June, are out in field service and May had been carrying her heavy bookbag all morning. She stops and sets her oversized bookbag down on the sidewalk.]

May: Oh, my aching back and arms! [She presses her hand against her back and stretches backwards as far as she can, then side to side. Then she stretches out her arms wide, and then her legs one by one in various stretches. June notices a guy in a nearby car holding up his cellphone towards them.]

June: Let’s keep moving. [They walk on.]

[Setting: A typical Kingdom Hall immediately after a meeting with members conversing and moving about. Three elders, the presiding Elder Bushtit, the flamboyant Elder Makinwupee, and the elderly Elder Wetpants call May and June into their walk-in-closet sized ‘Room of Reproof”.]

[Elder Bushtit holds up a newspaper with photos of them in an opinion article entitled ‘JW’s Perform Yoga Before Coming to Your Door’.]

Elder Bushtit: Sister June, did you observe Sister May performing yoga1 out in public?

May: I wasn’t performing yoga, I was just stretching.

Elder Bushtit: I was asking Sister June. Now you’ve spoken out of turn. Is that the way a submissive sister is to act?

June: It’s true. May, I mean Sister May was just stretching her worn out bones from carrying around her excessively heavy bookbag.

Elder Bushtit: I was asking Sister May if that was the way for a submissive sister to act. Now you’ve spoken out of turn….and what do you mean her ‘excessively heavy’ bookbag? Do you think us shepherds of the flock are giving you an excessively heavy yoke? Do you?

June [with an exaggerated smile]: Why no, of course not Elder Bushtit. Sister May always carries around the Concordance, Insight on the Scriptures, several Bible versions, most of our books (no matter how outdated…I mean after new light is shed, of course), and many many issues of the magazines, (which, by the way, she hardly ever places even after trying to give them away just for a high placement count). It makes her feel so superior to be able to answer any question right then and there because she’s so prepared with all those reference books.

May [confused expression; not sure if she’s just been insulted]: Well, it’s better to be prepared, having our ‘lamps full of oil’, than to keep telling householders, “Well, I’m not sure–I’ll look that up and get back to you,” just so some sisters can have a roster of Back-Calls. (Her eyes dagger June.)

Elder Makinwupee: Well, let’s get back to the reason we’re all gathered here together tonight, in this tiny, sweltering closet of a room as I watch the perspiration bead on your perfectly round white forehead, Sister May, and form a slowly descending track past your deep blue eyes and down your delicate neck to parts unmentionable….ahem!

[Elders Bushtit and Wetpants stare at Elder Makinwupee.]

Elder Makinwupee: It’s obvious to me from these very suggestive poses exposed in these photos that Sister May has a very flexible and lithe figure, well-proportioned, and toned. Yes, very toned, especially those gluteus maximus. All indications that she practices yoga on a regular basis.

Elder Wetpants: Here! Here! [Strikes his cane on the floor.]

Elder Bushtit: In this photo, you are obviously doing the Warrior pose. Does Jehovah like warriors?

Elder Wetpants: No! No! [Waves his cane back and forth.]

Elder Bushtit: And here you are doing the Downward Dog pose! Do you remember Rev. 22:15: “…outside are the dogs…”? Do you want to be outside with the dogs Sister May?

Elder Wetpants: Oh, I just remembered I have to go home and walk my dog Dammit!

[Everyone looks at Elder Wetpants in astonishment.]

Elder Wetpants: No, that’s his name, really. Dammit.

Elder Makinwupee: If you can please refrain from swearing for a few minutes, Elder Wetpants! This won’t take long to determine her guilt.

May: That is NOT a Downward Dog pose. I was picking up a penny.

Elder Makinwupee: Without bending your silky, long, lovely legs Sister May? Perhaps you can demonstrate the difference to me between bending over with your gluteus maximus high in the air and the Downward Dog pose?

Elder Bushtit [staring at Elder Makinwupee then slowly turning and addressing May]: You were picking up a penny? Why? Was it your penny? Was it laying face up so you thought it would be lucky to pick up a penny? Was that it? A lucky penny? Does Jehovah’s organization on earth believe in luck? Or were you going to take someone else’s penny? Do you know what we call it when we take someone else’s possessions? We call it stealing! Does Jehovah approve of stealing? Need I remind you of the Ten Commandments: Thou Shalt Not Steal!

Elder Makinwupee: I still say she should prove she wasn’t doing that Downward Dog thing.

May: It’s too stuffy and hot in here, I feel like I’m going to faint. Can’t we open the door?

Elder Bushtit: Absolutely not! Our disciplinary meetings are completely confidential; we can’t allow the flock to overhear parts of our conversation and spread gossip from misinterpreting what they might hear—-

[May loses consciousness and falls backwards onto the floor.]

SAVASANA_sil

Elder Bushtit
Elder Makinwupee
and Elder Wetpants: [The elders look at her for a moment and then pointing at her cry out in unison]: SAVASANA POSE! Consider yourself disfellowshipped Sister May!

The End


1. On more than one occasion the Watchtower has warned that “yoga is not for Christians.” In the August 1, 2002 edition, yoga was categorized as “spiritism.” In their publication, “Pay Attention to Yourselves and to All the Flock” (WBTS, 1991), spiritism is listed as a disfellowshipping offense on page 95.

See Also:

Trump Tilting at Windmills!

We interrupt our regular scoffing to bring you this important message from the President of the United States of America: (He’s the one on the left, I think, but it doesn’t much matter, there’s so little difference between them.)

TrumpHitler

I never understood wind. I know windmills very much, I have studied it better than anybody. I know it is very expensive. They are made in China and Germany mostly, very few made here, almost none, but they are manufactured, tremendous — if you are into this — tremendous fumes and gases are spewing into the atmosphere.

You know we have a world, right? So the world is tiny compared to the universe.

So tremendous, tremendous amount of fumes and everything. You talk about the carbon footprint, fumes are spewing into the air, right spewing, whether it is China or Germany, is going into the air.

A windmill will kill many bald eagles. After a certain number, they make you turn the windmill off, that is true. By the way, they make you turn it off. And yet, if you killed one, they put you in jail. That is OK. But why is it OK for windmills to destroy the bird population?

— Donald Trump (Speech given for Turning Point USA, December, 2019)

DonQuixote
Don[ald] Quixote charging a windmill.
Never one to let facts get in the way of his “alternative facts,” Trump’s tally of lies has already exceeded 15,000 since he took usurped office. But this speech has added at least 5 more to his record:

    1. Most windmills are not from China or Germany, but rather from Denmark.
    2. About 50% of windmills installed in the U.S. are manufactured in the U.S. But Denmark, rather than the U.S., remains the world leader, thanks to Reagan’s cutting of clean-energy funding back in the day. Still, over 500 U.S. factories build wind-related parts and materials in 43 states, accounting for 25,000 manufacturing jobs in 2016. Overall, 100,000 wind-power related jobs exist across all 50 states.
    3. The carbon footprint involved in the manufacture of a wind-mill is paid back after 6 months in service. After that, it produces zero emissions as it replaces the burning of fossil fuels. By my calculations the current number of windmills running in the U.S. are keeping 45,000 tons of carbon dioxide emissions out of the atmosphere every hour!
    4. Windmills account for only .01% of human-caused bird deaths. With Trump’s towers probably taking a greater toll. Even the Audubon Society is in favor of windmills: “Audubon strongly supports properly sited wind power as a renewable energy source that helps reduce the threats posed to birds and people by climate change.”
      When it comes to birds, fossil-fueled facilities account for 700 times more deaths, and are about 17 times more deadly than wind power per gigawatt hour of electricity produced .
    5. No one has ever been made to shut down a windmill for having killed a certain number of eagles, nor is there any law to that effect. But if a migrating flock of birds is spotted, the windmill, of course, can be shut down temporarily.
      New wind-farms are sited outside of migratory paths, to lessen such occurrences.
bird_deaths 
You know we have a world, right? So the world is tiny compared to the universe.
It sounds as if someone just told him these facts and he’s amazed to learn them!  What they have to do with wind power is anyone’s guess. But now that a couple of facts about reality have dawned on him, maybe he’ll start considering the “tremendous fumes spewing” from his coal plants and oil refineries. But probably not, since he is such an idiot.

I never understood wind,” is where he should’ve stopped his speech; it says it all.

We need world leaders who do understand wind, and who at least understand basic science. We need people who are capable of comprehending that wind and solar energy are absolutely necessary to the continuance of life on this planet, because burning fossil fuels is killing us. What we absolutely don’t need and cannot endure are politicians who are so transparently in the pocket of the fossil fuel industry.

Update

On April 2, 2020, Trump made the following utterly ridiculous statement in a speech to the National Republican Congressional Committee:

“They say the noise [from windmills] causes cancer.”

Who says that, Mr. Impeached President? Who? Someone in a psych ward?

 

We need this man removed from the office that he never should’ve been allowed to usurp. And we need to get rid of the Electoral College and embrace true democracy by electing our President by the popular vote instead of by a plutocracy.
Trump will always have a few brain-dead followers, some of whom are pictured below. But the majority of Americans have better sense and know a moronic narcissistic thug when we see one.
plutocracy
See also:

The Stand-up Comedy of the Governing Body

NorrisAndLot
Anthony Norris III (right) and Steven Lot (left, making his late George Burn’s face)

To the astonishment and delight of us all, two members of the Governing Body: Anthony Norris III and Steven Lot, have branched out into the world of stand-up comedy (though some apostates may insist that the Governing Body have been living in that world, unknowingly, for a long time.)

Tony is the straight-man, deadpanning the whole time, while Steven’s a crackup; using his notoriously extreme facial expressions to milk the audience’s laughter.

If you haven’t caught their act yet, which has opened for several recent conventions throughout the U.S. and Great Britain, you may enjoy the following transcription of a recent performance. Unfortunately a transcription cannot fully convey the physical comedy and superb timing of a live performance.

Enjoy!

Norris & Lot: [Walk out to great applause. Norris goes and stands behind the podium, Lot stands a few feet away to his right, behind a standing mic. They bow, applaud each other, and wait for the crowd to settle down.]

Norris: So, a guy walks into a bar–

Lot: Ouch! [Holds hand over his eye, and staggers about the stage, then doubles over in mock pain.]

Audience: [Roars with laughter; so relieved to see these men not being serious for a change.]

Norris: [Waits for audience to quiet down, and Lot to recover himself.]
Wrong audience.
[Shuffles his papers on the podium, till at last he seems to find the right one.]
A guy walks into a magazine counter.

Lot: Ouch! [Repeats performance. Crowd laughs even harder this time.]

NorrisContemplative

Norris: [After patiently waiting for everyone to settle down; while remaining straight-faced himself the whole time.] Sorry. I’ll get this right eventually — you know that sometimes we don’t get everything exactly right the first time.

Audience: [Laughs, then applauds as Norris gives a meaningful look.]

Lot: Yeah, we’re not infallible. Just remember the Generation teaching!

Audience: [Starts laughing, but then catch themselves and stop short.]

Norris: [Gives Lot a long, thoughtful look.] No; not like the Generation teaching. We had that one right the first time.

Lot: Oh, right! We just didn’t know what we were saying.

Audience: [Confused, sporadic laughter.]

Norris: No; he’s right: we said the Generation wouldn’t die out before the end came. We just didn’t know that the Generation was uh —

Lot: Double-jointed?

Audience: [Laughter & applause.]

Norris: So, a brother walks over to the magazine counter.

Lot: [Encouragingly.] Tell the story, brother.

Norris: And he asks the Magazine Servant —

Lot: Did you ever wonder why you start out as a servant and have to rise to the level of a slave?

Audience: [Laughter and applause.]

Norris: [Gives Lot a stern look.] And he asks the Magazine Servant, “Say, brother, have you got the swimsuit issue?”

LotSurprisedLot: [Mugs an outrageous face of shock, replete with rolling eyes.]

Audience: [Roars with laughter.]

Lot: Well, at least he didn’t ask for a Playboy!

Audience: [Gasps at the mention of such a thing by a Governing Body member, then laughs hysterically.]

Norris: Do they still publish that wicked rag?

Lot: [Putting his hand on his chest.] How would I know?

Norris: So, the Magazine Servant reaches under the counter, saying, “Oh, yes, I believe we still have one issue left, down here.” [Long pause.] And he pulls out our January issue with the report on all of the baptisms for last year.

LotLaughingLot: [Doubles over in hysterical laughter, which in itself is funny enough to give the audience something to laugh at rather than Norris’s dud of a punchline.]

Norris: [Steps to the side of the podium and takes a bow.]

Audience: [Polite applause.]

Lot: Speaking of baptism, brother Norris, I heard a sister say that she thought John the Baptist was hot.

Norris: [In mock disbelief.] Hot?!

Lot: She was looking at the illustration of him in the Watchtower. The one with the bulging muscles. [Flexing and feeling his own biceps, then nodding and smiling at ladies in the audience.] I Guess John had been working out; not much else to do in the desert.

Norris: And she really said that she thought he was “hot”?

LotDisgusted2Lot: “Smokin’!” [Mugs an indescribable face, perhaps meant to mimic the woman’s attraction to the picture.]

Norris: Wait; she said he was smoking?

Lot: “Smokin’!” [Repeats face, even more exaggeratedly.]

Norris: Can’t be; we don’t baptize anyone who’s smoking.

Audience: [Scattered chuckles.]

Lot: [Pointing to Norris] Just like Samson: he brings the house down!

Norris: Well, if John the Baptist was a smoker, he wasn’t the worst lawbreaker in the Bible.

Lot: Oh? Who was, then?

Norris: Moses!

Lot: No!

Norris: Sure; he broke all ten commandments at once!

Audience: [Laughter mixed with groans.]

Lot: [Whispers to the audience, with a nod to Norris.] Smart-alek.

Lot: [Addressing Norris.] Oh yeah? Well, what about Noah? He broke the dietary law, you know.

Norris: How’s that?

Lot: He took Ham into the ark.

Audience: [Laughs politely, then bursts into laughter and applause as Lot mugs and spreads his arms to accept adulation for his wit.]

Norris: Well, that’s not so bad; I guess I’m worse: guilty of bringing a ham on the stage with me.

Lot: Hey, if anyone here needs an ark, I Noah guy.

Audience: [Groans.]

Norris: I’m sorry; it’s hard to stop him when he’s on a roll. He’s the same way when the Faithful Slave is in session. That’s why it takes so long to get the new truths out to you folks.

Lot: You knew that Noah also brought playing cards with him to help wile away those long rainy days on the ark, didn’t you?

Norris: Is that a fact? What did they play, poker? Ha-ha.

Lot: No, they could never play anything; Noah kept standing on the deck.

Audience: [Groans.]

Norris: [With a long-suffering look to the audience.] I’ll get him off this, I promise.
Hey, Steven, didn’t you just celebrate your 45th anniversary with your lovely wife Susan?

Lot: 48th year, Tony!

Audience: [Applause.]

Lot: Yes, as you know, this is the one thing we Jehovah’s Witnesses get to celebrate. So we went all out!

Norris: [With a worried look.] All out?

Lot: Yes, we shared a glass of wine with our meal at a fancy restaurant.

Norris: Oh, that’s acceptable.

Lot: And, we had a toast —

Norris: Oh, brother, no! Jehovah’s people do not engage in toasting!

Lot: [A look of astonishment.] You’re kidding.

Norris: No, I’m not kidding! You’re a member of the Governing Body: the Faithful and Discreet slave! How can you not know of this prohibition? Toasting is a pagan religious ritual! You’re supposed to be setting an example!

LotDejectedLot: [Looking dejected.] Now I’ll have to report Susan to the judicial committee for toasting that marshmallow. It was all her idea. Though I ate it; just like Adam ate the fruit Eve gave him. Does that make me guilty too?

Norris: Oh, it was just a toasted marshmallow? That’s okay then.

Lot: Whew! Well, now I’m really glad we decided against the piñata.

Norris: Actually, piñatas are permitted.

Lot: [Reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out a pencil and notebook, begins writing something down.]

Norris: What are you doing now?

Lot: Just making a note. “Piñatas: okay… Toasting: ETERNAL DEATH!”

Norris: Now that you’ve got that straight in your mind, can you tell us why you would have a piñata, of all things, at your anniversary celebration?

Lot: I told you we were going all out.

Audience: [Laughter.]

Lot: Oh yeah; people have piñatas at their celebrations. I’ve seen this: you take a stick and hit it, and stuff falls out… It’s kind of like these young attractive sisters: they get hit on all the time, and then spill their guts in the courts about elders having sexually abused them.

Norris: Yeah; I’d like to take a stick to them myself sometimes, for all the trouble they cause the Society.
Too bad it’s not like in the good old days when Rutherford armed his body-guards with canes, which they weren’t hesitant to use.

Audience: [Applause.]

Lot: Yeah, not like the “metaphorical rod” that brother Jackson tried to pull over on the Australian Royal Commission!

Norris: [Ignoring Lot.] And unfortunately it’s not just the sisters; there’s those young brothers in tight pants, exciting the older men —

Lot: Wait a minute! [Takes out notebook and writes again] “Tight pants: HUMAN HOT-DOGS!
[Puts away notebook and yawns.]

Norris: Are we keeping you up?

Lot: [Looks at watch] It’s about time for my siesta.

Norris: You take a siesta?

Lot: Every day. [Norris stares at him, making him nervous and guilty.] Uh-oh! [Takes out notebook and rifles through it.] I don’t see siestas on the list. Aren’t they okay?

Norris: Just like birthdays, there is only one mention of a siesta in the Bible, and a murder was committed during it.

Lot: [Writes in notebook, with exaggerated emphasis, as if stabbing a hole through the paper.] I better pop a No-Doze!

Norris: Just kidding, brother Lot. Siestas are acceptable.

Lot: [Rips the page out of his notebook, crumples it, and throws it offstage.] And into the apostate-bucket it goes!

Audience: [Applause.]

Norris: We have to get off now and make room for the serious stuff. Despite all our foolishness, we’d like to end on an inspiring note —

Lot: Oh, I’ve got one! You know we joke about the sisters, but seriously, I’ve come closer in my understanding and appreciation and love for Jehovah through my long, long, long [nodding his head and slumping lower and lower with each repetition of the word] long marriage.

Norris: Kind of gives you a taste for what eternity will be like, doesn’t it, brother?

Lot: [Straightening back up] Yes, isn’t it wonderful? Best of all, I now understand why Jehovah created man before woman.

Norris: Why is that?

Lot: He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

Norris & Lot: [Raise their arms above their heads, give each other high-five’s, and bow.]

Audience: [Gives standing ovation.]

Norris & Lot: Thank you; you’ve been great — though you’ll never be as great as us!

Disclaimer: Any resemblance of characters in this article to actual persons, living or dead, may not be entirely coincidental.
This dialogue is entirely the product of the writer’s warped imagination (along with some bad jokes culled from the Internet), though it’s mostly all in fun, it all has a basis in the actual writings, theology, history, and policies of the Watchtower (as the provided links demonstrate.)